Oh my lord! Yes I posted!

I have 2 songs for this blog:
This one which I hope plays for everyone : My Space
and another Don Henley Song which I don't have access to online: The Heart of the matter

I had alot of time to think about things this past weekend.

I was so Ill that I wanted my Mommy. Ever been that Ill? Well, Mommy is not here. She lives somewhere else. So, I wanted my son, but he was at Dads. Not that he could've helped my illness, but having him here would've helped me feel much better. Of course, he would've been bored because all he has here is XBox, Ugh!, but Id've felt better knowing someone was here that actually cared about my well being. Although, I know Karen thought about me, thanks Kare!

Anywho.. back to things I had time to think about this weekend...

#1 - Old Flames
#2 - New Flames
#3 - Me
#4 - Monetary needs

So, #1, Old Flames - We all know that I've been weepy over this crap and have been driving everyone looney over my obsession with it. Well, thanks to Bill, Im over it (Thanks William - Bill For Short). No more stupid ass, woe as me, why wasn't I good enough , weeping Nikki over things I have no control over (I also have to thank Paula and Chris for their words of wisdom Football weekend *yanno what I'm talking about*). I'm done, end of that chapter.

#2 New Flames - How is it possible for me to have the ability to make, let I suppose, a person fall for me so hard? How is it when you are totally honest from the get go, that a person still wants you for their own even though they know that is what is furthest from your mind?

I'm single, period. End of story. I've not been on my own for, what? Let's see, I had Brax when I was 22 (1995). I went from his father, Michael, to Mikey. Hmmm... That add's up to 12 years. Yeah, I want to know what it's like to be single, just from my friends experiences, I know it's no walk in the park. However, after 12 years, I need to know what it's like to be single. I need to know what I can do on my own. I know it's not going to be easy. I want to know that I can make it on my own. Is that so bad? So far I have... pray for me.

How honest and blatant do you have to be? Honesty is obviously not working. Everyone knows me, I am an honest, say what they think, individual. Yet, the one person I want to understand this, is not seeing what I am saying? Advise, please....

#3 - Me. This is a long one. If you don't like to read people's blogs about themselves, then move on....

I've realized this weeekend that I have learned so much about me over the past year. I've learned that I do not have to conform to what someone thinks I should be to be special. I do not have to do what someone else thinks I should do in order to be successful. I do not need to change who I am to make someone else happy.

I do not need to change who I am to make someone else happy. That's first and foremost.

I can be me and still be loved and honored as is, faults and all. Isnt that what Love is all about? A person loves you for all that you are. Through thick and thin. Whether you are strong or weak, etc?

Love is supposed to be unconditional. I thought that...Obviously not the person I was/am in love with....I need to move on...


So I've found thats what having friends is all about. People who are different from you, not main stream, sometimes to the extreme, yet, they love you for you. However, I've found that not to be true from my life experiences, too. (wasn't tryin to be a poet there)

I apparently do not have many true friends. The ones I have, know who they are. I love my friends. I truly do, they know that. My true friends know I am a great - woman, single mother, mentor, inspirational leader, etc. No one defines who I am but me. No one else defines who I am, no one. I thought for so long that what others thought of me was the most important thing in life, ever. That was what defined me as a person. My friends and my company do not define me. My actions do not define me. Those who truly know me, know what defines me. We all do things that we regret or would have not done under the influence. That does not define Me.

I am an individual. Love me or hate me. I am who I am. I'm human. I make mistakes. I do stupid things. Those that truly love me, get it, those who don't, will. I know who loves me and I can understand why those who don't, don't. I get it, you get it. Move on. However, I will still continue to not judge you. The rest of this story to be told......

#4 - Monetary needs - Yes, I'm Moving on... After 10 years with said company, we'll see what the future holds.....

for now, I bid you all adieu...

NiK